A Fan Fiction
by Saeble
Summary: It's just a story about GS characters acting very OOC
1. Who Ever Said They Were Sane?

Okay... I don't know where the inspiration for this came from...I am planning on adding more to it, and it's most likely going to turn into a crossover with some other anime... but nothing's for sure yet. Please expect everyone to be OOC...

R&R, happy reading!

* * *

PART 1

Yzak guzzled a can of coke. Filled with a sudden hatred for the color yellow, he slammed the can onto the table in front of him and stalked off to find Dearka and chop off his "pretty, golden locks".

Yzak laughed maniacally as he opened the closet and retrieved the axe. The axe actually belonged to Nicol, but seeing as Nicol was sweet and innocent, one would find themselves asking, "Why would someone like sweet little Nicol, have an axe hidden in the closet?"

Yzak and Athrun never asked though. Only Dearka asked. What happened, Dearka has never said, but he was shaking uncontrollably with fear after Nicol told him the reason for him having the axe.

* * *

Back to Yzak and his hunt. He had quickly changed into camouflage and was sneaking down the hallways, peeking around corners before jumping out and shouting, "SWIFFER WET JET!" 

Athrun was walking down a different hallway and slipped on a banana peel lying in the middle of the floor. He let out a cry of surprise, "WHHOOAA!"

Yzak came running, pouncing at the banana peel, and shredded it to tiny pieces with the axe. He laughed with joy.

Athrun stared at Yzak, and then ran and jumped through a window, landing safely in a blackberry bush. He shrieked like a pansy when he saw a turtle edging towards him at a very slow speed.

Soon Athrun ran inside and jumped on top of Nicol's piano yelled at him, "OH MY GODS! THERES A TURTLE OUT THERE! DON"T LET IT TOUCH MEEEEE!"

Nicol looked at Athrun with a blank face. The blue haired boy had interrupted his practice session. "He will be punished…" Nicol mumbled to himself. The pianist stood up, eyes closed. When he opened his eyes, he realized that Athrun was covered in thorns. Nicol sighed and asked, "Why are you covered in thorns?"

Athrun was staring at the wall, starting to drool, when Nicol spoke. Being knocked back to semi-sanity, Athrun replied, "You said 'he will be punished', didn't you? Are you going to punish the turtle! HOW SWEET!"

Athrun leaped at Nicol, to hug him, but Nicol sidestepped and hurried out the door, mumbling, "Where's my axe…"

* * *

Meanwhile, Yzak was sitting in the hallway, conversing with a mouse. He was going to trade the shredded banana peel for information on where Dearka was. 

"Come ON! Give me a DISCOUNT! I LET YOU LIVE IN THIS HOUSE, DON'T I?" growled Yzak.

The mouse answered, in a very squeaky voice, "I can do whatever I feel like! I don't need you to tell me where I can and can't live!" With that, the mouse turned and prancing away, singing 'We wish you a Merry Christmas".

"BAH HUMBUG!" screamed Yzak.

At that exact moment, a man in a giant bug suit slid down the hall. There was a hole for the face. Flashing Yzak a toothy smile, he said, "You rang?"

Yzak looked carefully at the face of this bug-man and soon exclaimed, "DEARKA! WHAT THE HELL!"

Dearka covered his ears, "NOOOOO! NOT MORE SINFUL WORDS! AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Then Dearka ran out the front door, jumped into Athrun's car, and sped away. It took a moment for Yzak to realize that he had just scarred away his 'prey'. "DAMNIT!" he swore, throwing the axe to the ground.

Nicol walked into the hallway and saw his axe. He exclaimed with joy, "Oh joy! It is my beloved axe, Moturasu-Sendo!"

Yzak have Nicol a funny look, "You've named your axe now?"

"Yup!" Nicol nodded happily, "It means 'bring death'!"

Yzak grabbed Nicol's axe and snapped, "Give this to me! You don't know how to use it properly."

Nicol pouted, "Yes I do!"

And then Athrun came running down the hall, "HELP ME! THE TURTLE CLIMBED THOUGH THE WINDOW! IT'S COMING TO SUCK MY BLOOD!"

Yzak glanced at Athrun and then asked Nicol, "You want to come hunt down Dearka with me?"

"Okay!" chirped Nicol, "I'll just go up and get my giant metal hammer, Kane-Chishio! That name means 'metal blood'!"

Yzak stared at Nicol in shock. First an axe, and now a hammer? Maybe sweet, little Nicol wasn't as sweet as everyone had once though…

"OH GODS! HELP ME YZAK! BEFORE THE TURTLE KILLS ME!" screamed Athrun, shaking Yzak's shoulders and jumping from one foot to the other.

Yzak glared daggers at Athrun and hit the blue haired teen on the head with the flat side of the axe. The impact had caused Athrun to loose what consciousness he had left.

Cagalli then burst through the door, and laughed in the deepest and manliest voice that she could manage, "I AM HERE! HOO-HAA! Yes, I am going to become a more manly Cagalli so I won't scream on the battle-field! Ha! Yo there, Yzak!" Cagalli gave a thumbs up to Yzak who was just staring at her, his mouth slightly hanging open.

"Who are you, again?" asked Yzak, not really caring. If Cagalli responded, Yzak didn't hear here because he had drowned her out.

Soon, Nicol came back downstairs carrying a giant metal mallet. "See Yzak? This is Kane-Chishio! Hey, who is that manly-girl? She scares me…"

Yzak grabbed Nicol by his color and pulled him out the door, "Come on, Nicol. We're leaving to go hunt for Dearka."

As Yzak shut the door, a manly laugh could be heard.

Yzak shook his head and marched to the sidewalk. Nicol followed.

"Now… we are about to embark on a dangerous journey. We could be hurt, or even killed on this mission, so we must be very careful, got that Nicol? As of now, you are my side kick, and I, with your help of course, shall vanquish the evil in this world known as Dearka! Are you with me!" exclaimed Yzak, throwing a fist into the air.

Nicol thought a moment and the looked back at the house. Then he heard Cagalli's man-laugh. Looking back at Yzak, Nicol threw his fist into the air as well, saying, "Yes! Because I don't want to see that man-lady again!"


	2. That House on the Corner

_>> I own none of the characters from Gundam Seed. _

And so it continues...

* * *

"Dearka… Dearka… you're on a hunt for Dearka! Dum dee dum! THE WILD CREATURE! Dearka… W-I-L-D! We. Must. Vanquish. Dearka!"

"SHADDUP!" screamed Yzak, resisting the urge to swing the axe, whose name he had forgotten, at the person singing. It wasn't Nicol, either.

Nicol was walking, all nice and quiet like, while dragging behind him his hammer.

There was this brunette kid with purple eyes and he was the one who had been singing.

Four steps later, curiosity got the best of Yzak. "Who are you, strange person!"

"Me?" the stranger said, pointing to himself.

"Yes! You! Who else would I be talking to?" growled Yzak.

"Well, my name is Kira and I was singing a theme song for you and your sidekick. You confuzzled my head because I thought you would be more interested to know who that guy in the bug suit was."

Yzak froze. "Bug… suit?"

Kira nodded energetically. "He's standing right behind you!"

Yzak spun around and came face to face with Dearka.

At that same moment, Athrun came running down the street. "Hey! You nasty bug brained buffoon! What did you do with my car!"

Nicol was staring at the intersection just twenty feet further done the road. He pointed with his free hand and said, "I think that's what happened."

Not-so-innocent Nicol was staring at a massive pile up of vehicles. It looked like it was caused by… Athrun's car… being driven by Bug-man.

Athrun screamed in horror.

Dearka looked clueless.

Kira looked like a hippie.

Nicol shrugged and sat down to polished his hammer.

Yzak looked at the mess of cars, dishwashers, and other random kitchen appliances. He said to Dearka, "Why would circle around and come back this way if you were trying to get away from us?"

Dearka scratched his chin, as if to appear deep in thought. He went to scratch his ear, but he couldn't because of the bug-suit. "AHHHHHH! I lost my ear! What will I DO!"

Yzak took a big step away from Dearka and hit him with the flat side of the axe.

Dearka came to his sense, or whatever senses he had left, which wasn't many. "I didn't circle around. This was as far as I got."

Athrun was furious. He stood up and was about to shriek something at Dearka, but then a Frisbee flew over his head. He turned around to watch it and saw it land next to a turtle. "EEEEKKK! It's coming to eat me! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!"

Yes indeed, the turtle was head towards Athrun, but as for its intention, nothing is positive.

Next, the ever-so-manly Cagalli swung from a conveniently placed vine. She landed between Athrun and the turtle and swung her arms high into the air. "Cagalli strong! Cagalli defeat turtle! Cagalli be hero! UHG!"

Cagalli approached the turtle and knelt down next to it. She shoved her face in front of the turtle's and said, "You go on journey. You go away. Leave blue-boy alone."

The turtle seemed to glare. It bit Cagalli's nose.

Cagalli grunted in pain and stepped back, only to fall down a hole.

"Dagnabbit! That there's MY hole!"

A new character appeared on the scene. This time it was a blond teen with golden-ish eyes. (OMG! I am SO sorry Miguel…)

"THANK YOU!" yelled Kira randomly.

Everyone ignored him.

"Why were digging holes in your yard Miguel?" asked Nicol.

Miguel peered at the house and yard behind him. "That? That there's not my house. Nope. Not one inch of it. That house there belongs to Lacus. Ya know, she runs that freak show up on her own personal PLANT-thingy-ma-bobber. Yup!"

Nicol's right eye twitched. "YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION!"

Athrun scolded Nicol. "Don't be mean to our guest!"

Athrun grabbed Miguel's hand and pulled him through an imaginary door. "Welcome home, brother!"

Yzak spared a glance at Athrun, and then walked up to the door of the house. He rang the doorbell and waited.

Dearka decided that at this moment that he was not patient, so he ran at the house and flung himself through a window.

Still, Yzak waited.

Kira was patting Athrun on the head, trying to clam him, and to stop him from bawling like a little child.

Meanwhile, the door to the house was flung open. Lacus was standing there holding a chain which attached to an iron collar secured around Dearka's neck. "Why, is this your bug-man?"

Yzak took a couple seconds to collect his thoughts before he replied. "No, he does not belong to me. I was hunting him with the help of my sidekick, Nicol. That has nothing to do with the reason I am standing here on your doorstep though," Yzak acquired a philosophical expression, "It all started when our hunt led us to this area. A few uneventful events happened, which I shall not describe, and led us to finding a hole in your yard."

"There's a hole in my yard?" Lacus said with surprise. Her grip on Dearka's leash loosened.

Yzak turned around and pointed to where the others were on the sidewalk, "You see the guy playing the banjo? That's the culprit."

"Well now…" chirped Lacus sweetly, "I'll make you a deal. I'll forgive your hillbilly friend if you let me add your bug-man to my freak show!"

At this precise moment, Dearka yanked the leash from Lacus's hand and sprang across the yard in hopes of making a great escape.

He was stopped, though, by Nicol, who had randomly broke into dance. This dance was somewhere between a tribal dance and one of a Mardi gras celebration. (coughMouthOnFirecough)

Dearka was knocked unconscious by a Frisbee.

Athrun pointed and laughed at him.

"Don't be so mean!" whined Kira with big, watery eyes.

Miguel was strumming away at his banjo, having forgotten all about the tunnel he was digging.

Nicol stopped dancing and looked into the sky. He saw something very high in the sky. He squinted to try and figure out what it was.

Soon, Nicol realized that it was coming down, and quickly.

Kira saw Nicol was staring at something in the sky, so he stared too. "Hey… I think that's a spaceship or something."

"You're right! I think it is!" exclaimed Nicol. He was pleased that he knew what the unidentified flying object was.

Yzak turned his eyes to the sky and saw the falling ship. "I wonder where that's gonna hit," he mumbled to himself quietly.

After a few more seconds of watching the falling object, everyone came to the same conclusion: It was coming towards them.

It crashed it a stop in the intersection, and while doing so, it completely disintegrated Athrun's car.

Athrun started babbling about how a turtle used French fries to steal his wallet.

A door on the space ship popped open and a whole lot of steam and fog came out, giving a mysterious atmosphere.

Everyone slowly gathered around the opening, hoping to catch a glimpse of an alien, perhaps.

Then, out stepped the pilot of the ship.

The small crowd gave a disappointed groan when they saw the pilot was human.

"Hey, arrr! What's up with that! I'm a feared space pirate!" cried out the blond haired man.

Lacus squinted at the pirate. "Oh! I know who you are! You're Half-Feather Mwu, right?"

Dearka sprung up and startled everyone. "Half-Feather Mwu! Hide your false teeth, everybody!"

Dearka reached into a pocket of the bug suit and pulled out a pair of fake teeth. He chucked them down the hole in Lacus's yard.

From below, there was a very manly "OW!"

Miguel didn't know if those were Dearka's real teeth, or just a second pair. He pointed his banjo at Dearka's mouth and said, "Open up, young'in!"

On the banjo, there sat a turtle.

Athrun saw this and screamed/stuttered. "Y-you'd better d-d-do what the hillbil-l-ly w-wants, Bug-man!"

"Un-uh!" refused Dearka as he shook his head.

Lacus growled and grabbed Dearka's leash.

She gave it a good, hard yank and, with the help of Yzak and Nicol armed with the axe and hammer, ushered the Bug-man into Half-Feather Mwu's spaceship.

"Let's go everybody!" chirped Lacus, "I'll let you all come see my freak show for free, just 'cause I'm that nice! I'll every let Half-Feather Mwu in, since he's going to be kind enough to give us all a ride there!"

"AR! I am?" Mwu questioned, scratching his head.

"Yup! Now you all get on the ship before it leaves! You don't want to be left behind! Especially after dark! That's when the Oooooogally monsters come out." Lacus spoke in such a tone, that it made everyone feel like small children.

Yzak snarled because of his lack of Coke and/or Vanilla Coke, but marched onto the pirate's ship anyway. The axe made a loud scraping noise because he was dragging it so carelessly.

Nicol hefted his hammer over his shoulder and followed, all the time worrying about how dull his axe was going to get with Yzak treating it that way.

Athrun sprinted on and was peeking out the small round windows. He would jump from one window to another almost instantly. He was making sure the turtle wasn't following.

Miguel grabbed his shovel and trailed the others on. He whistled a tune to himself which sounded like a gold-rush-era song.

Lacus gave Mwu a nod, indicating that that was everyone and tip-toed on.

Mwu, not entirely sure what to do about these people imposing on him like this, decided he would play it safe and take them where they wanted to go. He might be a pirate, but he wasn't a stupid pirate. He knew he couldn't fight all these strange people off by himself. And three of them had weapons. (Axe, Hammer, Shovel).

Half-Feather Mwu walked in his spaceship and closed the door. He made his way to the cockpit and sat down in the captain's seat. He spoke into a microphone, "Arr, please put your seatbelts on; we are about to tale off."

* * *

Okay, I have NO CLUE what Mwu's ship looks like. You get to use you own imaginations for that.

Mouth on Fire is a song from Wolf's Rain, if you wanted to know.

Next chapter is the ride to Lacus's Carnival/Freak Show. And you must keep one thing in mind. All of the dear Gundam characters will all be in a confined space for a very long time.


	3. The Mystical Spaceship

"On the road again! Can't wait to be on the road again!" sang Kira happily.

Yzak twitched. That song made no sense because they were in space. There were no roads in _SPACE_… were there?

"Are there roads in space?" asked Yzak.

Lacus waved off his question, saying, "Well of course there are, silly goose! Haven't you every heard of Milky Way?"

"GOOSE!" shrieked Athrun, spazing out for a second or two.

Yzak glared at Lacus and retorted, "The Milky Way is a galaxy. NOT a street."

Dearka, locked away in an iron cage near the back, called up, "Milky Way is too a road! Just like Cherry Lane! And Oak Boulevard!"

Yzak grumbled and sank into his seat. He was surrounded by idiots… for the most part.

Miguel was bored, so he bent over and looked under his seat. He spied a wrench. It looked heavy. Miguel had placed his banjo and shovel in the overhead compartment space, so his hands were free. He pulled the wrench out and held it in one hand. He guessed it was about five pounds. The hillbilly shrugged and threw the tool over his shoulder.

The wrench didn't go far. It stopped when it hit the person sitting directly behind him: Athrun.

"Eeekk! It's raining tools!" shrilled Athrun.

Kira looked at his friend and then looked around. "No… I'm afraid it's not raining anything… You're lying." Kira let out a gasp. "Oh gods! You're lying to me! I thought I was your best friend!" Tears started to run down Kira's face and he ran into the cockpit.

Kira walked up to Half-Feather Mwu and sniffled.

Mwu looked at Kira. "What's wrong kid?"

"My best-est friend lied to me!"

Mwu leaped up. "We can't have that! Which one is he!"

"He has blue hair," said Kira helpfully.

Half-Feather Mwu marched out of the cockpit and over to the passengers. He spotted a weird kid with blue hair. "Hey you! Why'd ya make that other kid cry, eh, SMURF?" yelled Mwu as he pointed at Athrun.

"Smurf…" sniggered Miguel.

Kira ran in and also pointed at Athrun while yelling for all to hear, "He lied to me! He's a bad friend! He should get a time-out!"

Yzak looked tiredly at Half-Feather Mwu before realizing that he was _supposed_ to be the captain. Yzak stood up and screamed at Mwu, "Are you stupid, or something! Who the hell is driving this shuttle!"

Mwu stopped in the process of scolding Athrun and turned his head nonchalantly to Yzak, "Arrr, matey, no need to worry!"

When Half-Feather Mwu looked back at Athrun, he saw the smurf-boy was missing. "Runaway! We got a runaway! Call the guard dogs! ARR!"

Kira looked around the spaceship quizzically, "If Athrun ran away after we already took off, then he couldn't have gotten far…unless he's actually a woodchuck…and in that case the question wouldn't be where he is, but how much wood he could chuck if he couldn't chuck wood."

"AHHHH! Twisty words make Cagalli head hurt!" yelled out a manly voice. Cagalli was sitting in the back by Bug-man's cage but no one bothered to question how she suddenly appeared.

The not-so-random sound of barking and an old squeaky door opening was then heard.

The pirate, Mwu, rubbed his hands together in anticipation and smiled darkly, "They're heeeeeerrrre…"

Suddenly, the spaceship shook violently. The passengers who had their seatbelts on were safely secure, while Cagalli, Mwu, and the hammer (Yes, it's a passenger.) were tossed about like a salad.

Nicol's voice came on the intercom, "Sorry for the inconvenience, but we are traveling through an asteroid belt and I may have to take more evasive actions. Please return to your seat to prevent injury to yourself and/or others! This is my first time flying a ship! Thanks for understanding!"

Yzak smacked his forehead. He grabbed Half-Feather Mwu by the collar as the pirate was regaining his balance. "Why would you let a fifteen year old kid fly your spaceship!"

Mwu sighed and replied, "It seemed like the best decision at the moment. It was either that, arrr, or let the little mechanical bird drive. And I know my parrot can't because he has no thumbs!"

(The mechanical "parrot" is Birdy, if you didn't catch on.)

Yzak let go of Mwu's collar and hung his head. Everyone around him had serious problems which were completely warping their common sense…

He was knocked out of his moping when Half-Feather Mwu exclaimed, "Look! Here come me guard dogs!"

Yzak turned around and saw two figures emerge from a doorway he hadn't noticed before. These figures were walking upright like people though. In fact…. they were people!

Mwu jumped over to the 'guard dogs' and put an arm around each of their shoulders.

The 'guard dogs' were Murrae and Natarle. They were wearing helmets with floppy dog ears pasted on rather sloppily. And they each carried a big machine gun.

"Alright you two," Mwu said, "I have a mission for ya. I need you to find me a smurf. He goes by the alias of 'Athrun'."

With that said, Mwu walked down the newly discovered hallway from whence his guards had emerged.

Murrae and Natarle each looked around cluelessly, as they were unsure where to look for a smurf.

Then Natarle noticed the cage. She looked closer and screamed, "Oh my god! It's a BUG! KILL it! Squish IT! AHHHHHHHHH!"

Murrae ran to the cage, flung open the door, jumped in, and started bludgeoning Dearka with her machine gun.

Lacus jumped up and said, "STOP! That's my Bug-man! He's going to be in my freak show!"

Murrae stopped and eyed Lacus. "Hey… you're Lacus… THE Lacus! Oh! Can I have your autograph? Please…?" She dropped her gun and rushed over with a pad of paper and a pen, the bug-man forgotten.

Natarle, quite perturbed at Murrae sudden change of activity, stomped over and growled, "Well? Has the bug been squish'ed?"

Murrae was in the midst of showering Lacus with compliments, like any doting fan would, and didn't response to Natarle.

"Hoo hoo," came a new voice.

Everyone in the compartment turned to find the voice. All eyes landed on a man wearing a mask. This man was perched in a tree and the tree was magically growing from the floor of the spaceship.

"Wait a minute… aren't you Captain LeCruset!" yelled Yzak, obviously shocked.

The mask turned and faced Yzak. "No, no, dear boy. I gave up that name long ago. I am now the Cheshire Owl!"

"Hm… I wonder if Half-feather Mwu would settle for an owl instead of a smurf…" ponder Natarle while applying a bright layer of fresh magenta lipstick.

"No, no, no," chastised Lacus. "If you want to catch a creature, then call the expert! The Silent Avenger himself, Yzak!"

Yzak's blue eyes widened. "Since when did my super hero identity become known!"

In the back, Dearka the Bug-man snickered and waving his hands in the air, jumping from one foot to the other, "I did it! It was me! Ha, ha Yzak! The joke's on you!"

Eyes now smoldering with hatred and an urge to commit brutal murder, Yzak stood and growled, "You evil, dirt eating cockroach-fiend!"

Grabbing Miguel's shovel, Yzak was about to march back to severely mangle and crush Dearka when Lacus stood up and blocked his path.

"Now just wait one minute there, Silent Avenger. I need that Bug-man to bring the dough so I can afford to hire illegal immigrants to fill in the holes that the hillbilly Miguel dug! I'll make you a deal though… If you can capture and bring to me that smurf, Mr. Avenger, then we may be able to put into motion a most productive transaction."

The pink haired singer crossed her arms and smiled, knowing either way she would get a great new addition to her freak show.

"Hmm…" Yzak thought for a few moments until he said, "I'm not really sure…"

Nicol popped up beside him and said cheerily, "Yes, as the Silent Avenger's sidekick, Music-man, I will answer for him! Yzak agrees!"

"Great!" clapped Lacus.

Yzak turned slowly and looked at Nicol, "Now who's driving the ship?"

"Huh? Oh, that Murrae lady. She said she'd give me her helmet with the floppy dog ears if I let her take the controls. So I did!" replied Nicol. He held up the dog-ear helmet for everyone to admire and then plopped it onto his head.

Scratching his head, Yzak wondered aloud, "Where are we going to find Athrun the smurf?"

"Hoooooo…" hooted the Cheshire Owl. "I can tell you."

Yzak glared, "Then tell us!"

LeCruset disappeared all except for his silver mask, which now hung mysteriously in the air, "Athrun's gone through the tunnel. He's gone into Wonderland."

The hallway that Murrae and Natarle had originally come from was now overgrown with bushes and vines that had sprouted from the Cheshire Owl's tree. The tunnel did in fact look like a tunnel now.

"Let's go, Yzak!" cheered Nicol, pulling the Silent Avenger along.

The two stopped at the opening of the tunnel and peered in. There was only darkness before them.

"Woooo hooo!" cried out someone from behind them. Then Kira pushed Yzak and Nicol into the tunnel and jumped in after them, yelling, "This is gonna be an adventure!"

* * *

O.o; Yes, well, now I should have no problem coming up with ideas… shakes head "Athrun in Wonderland"… What will I think of next?

I don't own Alice in Wonderland, Gundam Seed, or any of the affiliated characters.


End file.
